Boys Who Like Girls Who Are Like Boys

Boys Who Like Girls Who Are Like Boys

(I'm female and texting my long-distance boyfriend after getting home from a long day at work.)

Boyfriend: "So, what you wearing tonight?"

Me: "My favorite t-shirt and underwear."

Boyfriend: "Sounds like a fun night."

Me: "Yup. Me in my undies, eating hot dogs and watching Spaceballs. Oh, my god. I think I might be a dude."

Boyfriend: "…I'm breaking up with you."

(Just for the record, he didn't.)

They Love Each Other Just Cos

Posted: 16 Nov 2014 09:00 AM PST

They Love Each Other Just Cos

(My long-distance boyfriend has texted me to say good morning before I get up for work. This is how the conversation ended. Note: I have a math degree and am a big math geek.)

Boyfriend: "Well, you must still be in bed or getting up. I'll catch you later."

Me: "Okay. Love you."

Boyfriend: "Love you plus sum. That's supposed to be a math joke, but I failed."

Me: "Works for me."

Boyfriend: "So it's functional?"

Me: "Is this a product of our time together?"

Boyfriend: "I think it could possibly be the average."

Me: "Maybe it's a sine that my math skills are rubbing off on you. But I won't go off on a tangent."

When Sleep-Talking Just Keep On Walking

Posted: 15 Nov 2014 10:00 AM PST

When Sleep-Talking Just Keep On Walking

(My partner, and I are in bed when he half wakes me by sleep-talking.)

Partner: *puts his arms around me* "I don't know what to do with these."

Me: "Your arms?"

Partner: "No! Nothing! Ignore me!" *snore*

(This kind of thing happens a lot. Even in his sleep he knows when he's said something stupid and wants it to be ignored.)

Instantly Deboned

Posted: 15 Nov 2014 09:00 AM PST

Instantly Deboned

(We're sitting on the couch. I'm quite tired and my boyfriend notices.)

Boyfriend: "Want me to bone you to put some new life in you?"

(He has obviously not considered the other meaning to this.)

Me: "Don't you ever ever ever ever ever say that again. You are forbidden to put new life in me!"

Boyfriend: "Oh, s***, I didn't even think about that!"

Bit Off More Than They Could Chew

Posted: 14 Nov 2014 12:00 PM PST

Bit Off More Than They Could Chew

(My boyfriend's apartment is what used to be the basement of an old house that was divided up. As such, there are usually a lot of spiders. I'm pretty arachnophobic, but he has a more 'live and let live' attitude. I'm currently sporting 5 rather nasty bites.)

Boyfriend: "Holy crap, what happened to your arm?!"

Me: "It's the stupid spiders!"

Boyfriend: "Oh, you probably just slept on one and it bit you a bunch of times."

Me: "I don't think so. Two happened yesterday morning, two last night, and one just now."

Boyfriend: "Aw, man!"

Me: "What?"

Boyfriend: "Well, now I have to squish them! I thought we had a deal – they don't bite, I don't squish. They violated my trust!"

(He was genuinely pretty upset about this betrayal.)

Don’t Know Whether To Laugh Or Cry

Posted: 14 Nov 2014 11:00 AM PST

Don't Know Whether To Laugh Or Cry

(My boyfriend and I are in my car, driving to work and listening to the radio. A song I really like comes on, and I start rocking out.)

Me: "This song could have been written about me."

Boyfriend: *looks at me in disbelief* "This song is about a guy who is so sad about breaking up with his girlfriend that he goes to a bar and gets so raging drunk that he can't stop laughing!"

Me: "Exactly!"

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