Still Has Reason To Cry

Still Has Reason To Cry

Still Has Reason To Cry
Not The Brightest Idea
Three Way Calling
Didn’t Order It With Salami
Not Quite A Navy Seal
An Egg-Filled Basket Case


Still Has Reason To Cry

Posted: 18 Nov 2014 12:00 PM PST

Still Has Reason To Cry


(My husband has been swamped at work lately, and as a result he's been really tired and out of it. He's handing me apples from the fridge when this happens.)

Husband: "Hey… honey? Are these onions okay, or do they need to be tossed."

(He holds up a bag and I stare at him for a moment.)

Me: "…they're fine. Those are lemons."




Not The Brightest Idea

Posted: 18 Nov 2014 11:00 AM PST

Not The Brightest Idea


(We are lying on my boyfriend's bed listening to music. There's a bright lightbulb in the middle of the ceiling.)

Boyfriend: "Ugh, that light is hurting my head again."

Me: "OK, I'll get up and—"

Boyfriend: "No, wait, don't get up. I have a better idea."

(He takes his sunglasses off the bedside table and puts them on while still lying on the bed.)

Me: "You know, I could just turn the light off…"

Boyfriend: "But then this would look stupid!"

Me: *rolls eyes* "You know, it would be pretty funny if you fell asleep like that…"

Boyfriend: *snore*




Three Way Calling

Posted: 18 Nov 2014 10:00 AM PST

Three Way Calling


(I've been dating my boyfriend for a few months. I am checking my phone while we ride the train into the city. My phone case is green and has a monster face on it.)

Boyfriend: "Didn't you have a pink phone case?"

Me: "No… I've had this one since I met you. That must be your other girlfriend."

Boyfriend: "Oh, right. I should call her… Can I use your phone?"




Didn’t Order It With Salami

Posted: 18 Nov 2014 09:00 AM PST

Didn't Order It With Salami


(My boyfriend and I order a pizza.)

Boyfriend: *grabs a slice of pizza, takes a bite, then puts it back in the box*

Me: "D*** it, [Boyfriend]! Quit doing that! I don't want your mouth germs all over my half of the pizza!"

Boyfriend: "You kiss me all the time! What's the difference?"

Me: "Yeah, well, I suck your d*** all the time, but I still don't want you flopping it out on my food!"

Boyfriend: "…good point."




Not Quite A Navy Seal

Posted: 17 Nov 2014 12:00 PM PST

Not Quite A Navy Seal


(My husband and I are kayaking in Maine. My husband is not what you would call an outdoorsman.)

Me: "Oh, look! Seals! Look!"

(There are about 20 seals that have just appeared and are swimming along with us and being extremely cute.)

Me: "This is so great. Isn't this awesome?"

(I look back at him, to find that he looks extremely anxious.)

Husband: "We should probably get back to shore, right?"

Me: "Why? This is amazing!"

Husband: "What if they try to knock us out?"

Me: "What? Why would they do that?"

Husband: "To eat us!"

Me: "…babe, seals don't do that. Seals don't eat people."

Husband: "Well, maybe these ones do. Maybe they've gone carnivorous."

Me: "They're already carnivorous. They eat fish. They're not going to hurt you, they're just curious and looking at us. Oh, look, a baby one!"

Husband: "Well, what if they got the taste for mammal blood somehow?"

(Long pause while I consider what he's just said.)

Me: "Honey, are you scared of the seals because you've subconsciously internalized a subplot from Arrested Development?"

(Another long pause.)

Husband: "Maybe."

(We stayed out with the seals for another hour. They did not try to eat us.)




An Egg-Filled Basket Case

Posted: 17 Nov 2014 11:00 AM PST

An Egg-Filled Basket Case


(My boyfriend is in the Air Force and is away for follow-up training right now. I haven't seen him in over 5 months as he was at technical school before flying somewhere else for training. I usually get really excited about things that might possibly happen and therefore put 'all my eggs in one basket.' I don't get to chat with him much and this happens one night when he calls me.)

Me: "So what do you have to do tomorrow?"

Boyfriend: "I don't know. Nothing really. I don't have class or details to do. I think I get to just hang out."

Me: "So, that means you can text me all day?!"

Boyfriend: "I'm not sure, maybe." *a few seconds of silence go by* "Don't you dare. You take all those eggs out of that basket right now, missy."

Me: "But they're already super-glued in!"


Admin @ 22:38

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